Kai Temple's game of 2009.

It was looking like AssCreed2 which for the majority of the year was the only game that combined half-decent production values with a story that wasn't penned by a complete fucking imbecile but in the end The Saboteur wins out for doing everything AssCreed2 does but with guns, nazis and some breathtaking missions. Everything about it works so nicely and while it does throw in far too many freeplay targets, it also has enough about it to stop you getting bored.

A fitting end to the dev team that brought us Mercenaries.

Someone's in for a nazi surprise (sorry).

Kai Review: Darksiders

Initally exciting beat-em-up that throws in a succession of great curveballs with gameplay elements appearing all the time. That is until it settles down into a Zelda-esque hell of switch puzzles that make you dread the next room you walk into incase it's going to be another thirty minutes of fucking about with boxes or something. A wasted opportunity.

"The prophecies speak of a succession of horrible fucking water puzzles."

Kai Review: Army of Two 2

A spectacularly poor attempt to improve on the flawed-but-enjoyable first game. No variation in levels, no memorable set-pieces just a shitload of awful dialogue, confusing graphics, tired gameplay and the kind of hit-detection I've not seen since Kane and Lynch. Genuinely.

Salem and Rios inevitably being cocks.

Kai Review: Chime

Tetris meets Lumines in the music-based puzzler. The gameplay is as addictive as butterscotch-flavoured crack and the superb soundtrack and cheap price tag (400M$P) are extremely welcome as well. Prepare to lose days to this charming-yet-devious game.

Philip Glass. Not exactly EA Trax material.

Kai Review: Aliens vs. Predator

Dated rehash of the original PC game but taking its plot ideas straight from the risible movies while leaving everything else as it was in 1999 but much, much versh (it's not a typo). The three campaigns are short, repetitive and rubbish and the multiplayer has a spawn system that you won't have seen since the likes of UT and Quake 3. Its structural imperfections are matched only by it's dismality.

Yeah... don't get too excited..